apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
