I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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