You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
