on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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