I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
