I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
