I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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