Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
