so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
