Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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