wat bout pragnant strippers??
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Maybe he injected his testicle?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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