It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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