im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
