I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
