Banned from zoo.
Again?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
