dude i'm inner monologue high
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Randomize
