The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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