oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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