great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
