You're my little dorito
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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