if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize