apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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