Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
