Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
