sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
