Swine flu. Run for my life!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
