If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
