i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
