Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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