hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
i out mim tonsoeep
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