My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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