Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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