eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
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