Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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