He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
