I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
