I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
