dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You were trust falling into bushes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
