I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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