I wannas sexs uuuuu
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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