: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
All I want is dick and wine.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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