Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
