I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
