I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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