Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There r osticjed everywhere
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize