You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
