just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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