Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
