i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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