I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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