It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
