Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
