Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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