nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
