My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
