I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That accounts for only three of the penises
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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