I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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