If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
