you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
