sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
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I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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