So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
