I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
