Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
