Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
