She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
