Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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