You're so nebulous sometimes
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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