I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
